


What Cannot Be Said Will be Wept

by kijikun



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, M/M, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Pale-Red Vacilliation, Post-Sburb/Sgrub
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-10
Updated: 2013-11-10
Packaged: 2018-01-01 00:44:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1038331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kijikun/pseuds/kijikun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The game has been won, a new world has been created. Still, somethings remain broken and Jade and Tavros worry about their matesprits.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [obstinate nocturna](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=obstinate+nocturna).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jade worries about Karkat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Birthday Nocturna!
> 
> Beta: Ink

The sky looks so different.

It's something that keeps coming back to Jade as she lies on the roof snuggled up against Karkat's side. Their fingers are tangled together and every now and then Karkat squeezes his tightly against hers. 

She turns her head to the side and looks at him in the dim light. He's wearing that troubled look again. The one he wears more and more when he thinks she isn't looking. She wants to smooth the lines from his face with her fingers, to kiss him until he relaxes into the blankets under them. 

He'd let her.

Let her chase away his worries and trouble for a little while. 

But, he'd still have them. 

It's frustrating, because he won't talk about what's bothering him. Even though, or maybe because, their 'matesprits'. 

"I wished you'd talk to me," she says softly, despite herself. Because she really does wish he'd open up to her.

Karkat turns his head and looks at her. There's a crease between his eyes (eyes that are slowly becoming redder by the day - he'll go through his adult molt soon and it frightens and fascinates her all at the same time). 

"Jade," he says on the tail end of a sigh. His face is all scrunched up. "It's not your fuckjamming problem, okay?"

She huffs and raises up on her elbow. "Is too!" she protests. "I'm your girlfriend and matesprit. If something's bothering you, which any idiot can see is, then it's my problem too."

"That's not how the quadrant fucking works," Karkat tells her. 

That makes her roll her eyes. "How would you know? Have you had one before?" she asks, with a raised eyebrow before. She's done the boyfriend thing before, and even though it didn't work out (partly because Davesprite was _thirteen_ even when she was _sixteen_ ) she's got more experience at this shit than Karkat.

Karkat growls softly. "Not the bulgehumping point, Jade."

Her ears flick and she growls right back. "Then tell me what is the point?" 

And, urgh, she doesn't want to fight with him. She just wants him to let her be there for him.

"We aren't pale!" he practically shouts, sitting up so quickly it almost surprises her. He winces then lowers his voice. "We aren't pale. It's bad enough we vacillate black -- we can't be pale too. It's - it's not grubshitting done."

She opens her mouth to protests, because she's human (mostly) so what doesn't it matter if they fit into the perfect little boxes of quadrants, then stops when he goes on.

"I'm not my ancestor," he hisses.

Jade makes herself take a deep breath and thinks for a moment. She doesn't know much about his ancestor, he doesn't talk much about him, and she has some pretty good ideas why given what she has heard. And -- well, she's got John doesn't she? There's stuff she talks to him about that she doesn't think she'd ever be able to really talk about with Karkat. So, maybe that's kind of it.

She moves closer to him, their knees bumping. "I'm not trying to make us pale," she finally says.

Karkat's gaze slides away from her gaze. "I know," he admits. 

"I just wish you'd talk to somebody about what's going on inside your head," she tells him. "I worry about you."

His face softens more. "I know you do. Look I'm a moronic grubshitting pile of steaming shit and I don't know why would put up with my deficient self --"

Jade quiets that line of thinking with a kiss. "No bad mouthing the troll I love," she tells him firmly. "Not allowed at all."

That gets half a smile from him and he touches his forehead to hers. "My point was, who the fucking fuck am I supposed to talk to? I don't have a moirail."

Jade can almost hear the left out words of "anymore" lingering after. It be easy to tell him that she's pretty sure Kanaya would be happy to have him pale, but she doesn't think that would work. 

"You could -" she stops takes a deep breath and holds his hands in hers so he can't escape then goes on. "You could talk to Gamzee."

Karkat's face darkens. "No," he says icily, pulling away from her a little. "Not after everything he did. Not after he -- No."

Jade kisses his chin and doesn't say anything. She has a feeling she doesn't need to.

"Jade, I'm not going back to that seedflaphumping ass-shitting shit. I can't. He doesn't deserve it." There's so much pain and heartbreak in his voice that it cuts her a little. "He doesn't deserve anyone's forgiveness. And he hasn't even asked for mine."

Looping her arms around his shoulder, she moves so she almost sitting in his lap. Kakart curls in towards her and rests his forehead against her shoulder.

"He was terrible moirail," he hisses. "He doesn't deserve me even wasting one vomit-inducing nooksmoking part of my pan thinking about his worthless clown ass."

Jade nuzzles him just under his ear, suddenly pretty sure about what's been bothering Karkat. She doesn't say it though. Jade just holds onto Karkat and lets him talk and doesn't point out even once that maybe they are just a little bit pale.

***

The next night she finds Travos by one of the animal pens and waits for him to not be busy. When he finally notices her, he gives her an odd little look (and she suddenly dimly remembers him flirting with her once upon a time before the game - before everything).

"Jade?"

She smiles at him brightly. "I think we need to talk about our matesprits," she says perching herself on the top of the wooden fence. 

The sigh he lets out sounds like relief and he joins her on the fence. "Yeah, maybe we do."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tavros talks to Gamzee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Birthday Nocturna!
> 
> Beta: Ink

The hive is eerily quiet, as always, when Tavros enters. He thinks maybe he should be used to that quiet by now, but he's not. He's really not. 

It just reminds him that he's the only one thats (mostly) forgiven Gamzee. It reminds him that his matesprit spends most of his nights alone in self inflicted exile. 

Tavros thinks that maybe he shouldn't have forgiven Gamzee as easily as he did, but, well, he wasn't alive for any of it. And while he doesn't want to excuse Gamzee or, uhm, make him not responsible for what he did, Tavros _knows_ Gamzee had a lot of stuff eating at his pan. (Devouring him inside and out). 

Licking his lips, he makes his way through the hive on steady (his - not metal - not useless) legs. 

He thinks back to what Jade said. About Gamzee and Karkat.

She has a point about them, they should - no - need to talk. Talking seemed to help with Gamzee and Terezi or, well, 'helped' is probably the wrong word. Gamzee came back from that bruised with his own blood wet on his face. Tavros isn't sure he wants to know how bad their kismesitude got. 

Pretty bad he thinks. Awful, probably, in ways his failed kismesitude with Vriska never got to be (probably because she killed him and his feelings for her vacillated in ways he doesn't think were healthy).

Terezi didn't forgive him - he's sure of that - but he thinks maybe it gave her closure? He's not sure.

Tavros, sighs, shakes his head, and starts setting about to find where Gamzee is this evening. He's not even sure how he'll bring up Jade's idea.

Jade -- it's strange thinking about her as Karkat matesprit. He read some of those trollian logs between them. They'd always seemed more...black...than anything. But, he reminds himself, that was sweeps ago now.

Things change.

He finds Gamzee in the attic sitting under the bare bulb reading a book. Or maybe he's just spaced out or thinking whatever quiet things he thinks in his pan. Tavros slides down just next to him and hooks his chin over Gamzee's thin shoulder. His horn rubs against Gamzee's unruly hair. 

Gamzee's lanky form leans a little into Tavros'. 

Running his claws through Gamzee's hair, he scratches gently around the horn beds. Gamzee purrs, eyes going half-lidded. "Back already, Tav?" Gamzee finally says, letting the book fall closed.

Tavros chuckles softly. "Gamzee, it's, uhm, almost dawn."

"Oh," Gamzee sounds completely unconcerned. 

If Tavros didn't know better sometimes he'd still think Gamzee is sopor addled. But that requires sopor. 

He hesitates to bring up Jade and what she said about Karkat. He hesitates to bring up Karkat at all. 

The two of them sit there for a long time, Gamzee purring softly the whole while. Then as if out of nowhere Gamzee shifts, turning his head towards Tavros. His face is bare and sometimes a little terrifying, but he looks at Tavros with such tenderness and adoration that Tavros feels his bloodpusher swell with pity. 

"What's got your pan all up an' twisted up, Tav?" Gamzee asks after a moment of just looking. 

Tavros chews at his bottom lip for a moment before speaking. "Uhm, I talked to Jade today."

"Yeah?" Gamzee drawls, slowly like he's thinking hard and fierce.

"Yeah," Tavros echos. "She's worried about Karkat."

Gamzee goes still, like not even breathing for a moment before he relaxes again into Tavros. "I'm thinking that ain't my business no more. Seeing how I up and walked out on him like he weren't my best bro."

"I, uhm, think that's why she wants you and Karkat to talk," Tavros pauses for a moment before pressing on. "And I agree with her."

It's a long drawn out stretch of time before Gamzee shakes his head, the movement jostling Tavros' horn slightly. "I'm thinking Karkat wouldn't be wanting to talk to me," his voice cracks. "I hurt him, Tav. I pity that motherfucker the palest sugar and I went and hurt him the best ways I knew how."

Tavros chirps softly, but resists the urge to gather Gamzee up in his arms. It's not his affection and forgiveness Gamzee needs (he already asked for that, he already has that). "Maybe that's why you should, uhm, talk to him. He won't know you're sorry or anything unless you tell him."

Gamzee smiles just a little, crooking his head so he can kiss (soft, tender, like Tavros will disappear if he presses harder). "Every time I think I can't love you any motherfuck more, you up and surprise me."

 

"You'll talk to him then?" Tavros asks before returning the kiss. He scrapes his teeth against Gamzee's bottom lip, a sharp little reminder that he's real and alive. 

They get a little lost in kisses each other, so it takes Tavros a second to understand when Gamzee nods. 

"If he'll up and talk to me," Gamzee agrees, then grins crookedly. "Or maybe if I'm lucky, yell at me."

Tavros laughs a little at that. "He yells at everyone."

Gamzee's grin goes sad. "Only trolls he up and cares about."

There's truth to that Tavros can't argue with, instead he kisses Gamzee again and again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gamzee and Karkat finally talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta: Ink

When Karkat opens the door to the hive he shares with Jade, he's not at all surprised to see Gamzee. Though he still doesn't know why he agreed to this.

The first thing Karkat notices is how rail thin Gamzee seems - he'd always been lanky - always looked under fed, but not like this. The second thing he notices is how strange it is to see Gamzee's face bare. Both things combine to make pity twist in his pusher in ways he doesn't like or want. 

Gamzee doesn't smile so much as his face lights up for just a moment at the sight of him. 

Karkat crosses his arms across his chest and sets a scowl on his face. "Give me one good reason not to slam the door in your face?" he asks.

The expression on Gamzee's face doesn't falter. "Kinda hard to get our talk on through a door ain't it? "

With a huff of frustration Karkat steps aside to let Gamzee in. "Fine, you can say your piece, then get the fuck out." He'd told Jade he'd listen - not that he'd be nice about it. He can't forgive Gamzee for just leaving like he never mattered (and maybe he hadn't) or for screwing with Terezi's head. 

He shuts the door harder than is probably necessary behind Gamzee, then walks (stomps) to the food preparation block. Gamzee follows him at almost a lazy pace that frustrates Karkat in ways he can't name. He sits down at the table in one of the hard stiff chairs Jade brought home one night. 

Gamzee stands in the entrance way of the food preparation block for what seems an eternity before sitting down across from Karkat. "Being happy looks all good on you."

Whatever Karkat planned on saying deflates at that. Because he didn't expect that. He -- is he happy? 

Yeah, he guesses he is. He doesn't have to worry about his blood getting him culled. No one's trying to kill any of them. Jade, for reasons that are still beyond him, is his matesprit. His friends are _alive_ and, for the most part, happy. 

It's not the life he dreamed of once, but it's good.

Karkat opens his mouth then closes it, suddenly at a loss for words. 

Gamzee waits with something that seems more like patients and less like being lost in his own head (or too stoned to care). Karkat wants to be pissed off by it, instead it makes him want to hold onto Gamzee until can work out who or what taught Gamzee that patients. 

But he won't - can't. 

This was his moirail. A moirail that hurt him in ways he didn't know he could be hurt. 

"So, talk," Karkat croaks out, his hands curled into fists in his lap.

Gamzee looks at him with an expression in his purple filled-out eyes that makes Karkat fight back the urge to flinch. "I'm more sorry than I can put together words, Kar. For everything I did and didn't do. I know I wasn't the best of moirails I could've been."

Karkat does flinch at that and hiss to hide the click in his voice. "And I'm supposed to what? Just forgive you? Not this time, Gamzee."

"I don't up and deserve your forgiveness, I know that," Gamzee says slowly. "Just wanted you to know. You deserved to know."

It hurts. His bloodpusher aches and he wants to scream at Gamzee for doing this to him. For making him feel like this. Karkat intends to order Gamzee out of his hive, out of his life again. 

But he doesn't. 

"I needed you," Karkat whispers. 

Gamzee nods, and that just hurts even worse. "I thought I was protecting you."

"From _what_?" Karkat demands. He doesn't know what his face is doing and he feels torn between crying and yelling.

"Me," Gamzee says like it's that simple.

Karkat scrunches his eyes closed. His claws dig into the palms of his hand, until they're wet with blood.

He's not sure how long he sits there, but eventually he feels long, long fingers curl around his fingers. Gamzee gently tugs his claws free of his hand. "Please don't be hurting yourself over me."

Karkat shudders, a soft chirring admitting from his throat. "Gamzee," his voice sounds rough. He - he can't forgive Gamzee. Not now, not - yet.

"Didn't leave you because I didn't feel pity down to my bones for you," Gamzee's voice wavers.

"I need time," Karkat whispers. 

Gamzee's fingers are gently against his corpse meat. "All the time you need." He presses a kiss to Karkat's forehead. "Don't expect nothing from you."

Then he leaves. 

Karkat doesn't open his eyes until he hears the door close.

He's not crying, but it's a near thing. He rubs his thumb over his palm, staring at the spot Gamzee had been.

When Jade comes home, he's still sitting there. She doesn't say anything, just folds herself into his lap, looping her arms around his shoulders. 

Karkat reaches out for her and holds her tightly to him. He buries his face in her shoulder. 

When he cries, she doesn't say a word.

And he doesn't need her to.


End file.
